Welcome To Our Pseudo Lives

WELCOME TO OUR:

pseu·do Lives

[soo-doh][lahyvz] –adjective
1.
not actually but having the appearance of a young professional; pretended; falseor spurious; sham.
2.
almost, approaching, or trying to be a mature adult.

Join us in our transition out of college as we unroll a red carpet of imaginative experiences and outlandish antics; all while we attempt to become "real" people.

Wednesday, July 6, 2011

Oh...Oh Damn Girl!

What's up Gentlemen!

How has the DC life been treatin ya all? From what I heard from Russo and Pronio everything has been insane, and I do not expect anything else.

Life back up North (The victoious and more superior states, haha) has been going well. I am currently in CT kickin it with my family and DC chillin with my cousins on my boat. Throughout the next couple of weeks I have the following in mind to accomplish:
1. Take GREs
2. Establish a road race to raise $$$ for the nonprofit I volunteered for in South Africa
3. Run a triathlon
4. Find a skiing job out west
5. Contact a microfinancing company to help my friend start his business
6. Publish my thesis
7. Find a summer job

Anywho I have a great story for you all from my trip to Jamaica.

So here we are, first night in Jamaica just recently checking into our room and exhausted from an entire travel day. My brother and I , along with a family friend (Pat) go and grab dinner with our families and by 10pm begin scoping out the resort for hot chiccas, things we can destroy while we are drunk, and potential courgars (to replace John's mom).

As we are treking around the resort in the dark and attempting to understand the layout, this one Jamaican dude runs of to us, "Yea Mon, come to Negril and go clubbing. Tonight is Thursday and ladies enter free!" None of what he said sounded appealing at first. Everything about it screamed awful. We had to jump on a bus to leave the resort, no women were even on the bus he was driving, and we had zero money............................but all other factors aside we decided to go.

As we are driving out of the resort here are three 20 years of age white boys venturing into the wilderness of Jamaica to go clubbing (on the first night). Accompanying us in the car is 8 other ladies who were so dark as night they blended into the back seats and we never saw them back there until we arrived in Negril. However, what the driver forgot the mention to us oblivious albinos is that Negril was 60 miles away and was a local club........good.

When we arrive to the front entrance of the club (The Jungle. And I now know why they called it that) he stopped the van and swings open the door for us. As we are walking out he pulls an Admiral Akbar (guy from Star Wars who says, "It's a TRAP!") and asks for $15 for the bus ride! What! We each had like $20 on us for a night of clubbing. So somehow we escape not paying him and as we enter the club we realize we stick out like a sore thumb. Not only because we are the only three white kids in "The Jungle" but also because two of us have red hair.

So to make a long story short, after dancing bby ourselves for a litle bit and laughing at the scenario we are in we realize the phrase "ladies are free" is not referring to any ladies, but prostitutes. We are now stuck 60 miles from our resort, in "The Jungle" surrounded by crack head loose vagina prostitutes. As we are walking off the dance floor this one prosty grabs hold of Prankey and starts mumbling jibberish to him. This girls looked like she just got beat with a palm tree, took it up the butt from an enormous Jamaican man, and was ready to pass out. So with no front teeth this lady starts macking on Prankey........Prankey's response, "You need a water girl." lol. So my bro is nice enough to buy this chick a water and as we are walking around and chatting with some of the "The Jungle" locals here she comes again. The same crack head ball playing prostitute who Pranks bought a water for. Her first statement, ".......Can I have another water????" My brother flipped, Pat and I start laughing at this prostitute so hard as Pranks is having none of it. He is all sorts of flustered and looks at her and says, "I JUST BOUGHT YOU A WATER! DON'T YOU NOW OWE ME SOMETHING." But this crack baby was so gone she looked at him as if he had 10 eyes then walked away.

The rest of the night was a riot as well with plethora of good stories, but this one I had to share with you all

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